Healing from broken relationships

Walking in the room the obvious slight and lack of eye contact told me I was not wanted. The unfriending on social media that soon followed sealed the deal. She never spoke with me about what would have caused such a reaction and the end of our relationship. Ever had a situation like that? Not fun at all. This situation is an invitation to shame once again as we ruminate on our apparent lack that led to our rejection … or not. Healing from broken relationships is hard. but broken relationships don’t have to mean we are broken.

Healing Our Perspective

Ever had a relationship go sour, and you don’t know why? We can spin our wheels in our minds as we struggle to try to understand it all, and yet do we have to make sense of it? Sometimes, we will not get an answer and cannot tie a neat bow to our relationship woes.

In one situation I went through, someone I thought was a friend of mine spoke to many others, and an entire group unfriended me and shunned me. And they never spoke with me. I struggled for months with hurt (being real here, y’all). Then God showed me my perspective needed to change. People should not have that kind of power over me. I needed to guard my heart from bitterness and to release their rejection. More than that, I needed to realize the truth that their rejection was not God’s. Sometimes, the enemy causes division, and maybe we are better off without relationships when people behave in such a way.

Healing Our Feelings

Still, we are left with emotional baggage that we don’t know how to heal. It will take time, but I really think we give our feelings more power than they deserve. We allow shame to stigmatize us instead of questioning it. Shame has a way in situations like this of minimizing us and making us feel so very small. But it is at this “smallness” that maybe we can begin to heal. As I poured out my heart to God, He showed me that I was not to think about what they were thinking. I don’t know their hearts, and while I may never understand being maligned and shunned, Jesus was, too.

Perhaps we need to not rely on others for our emotional health. God is the Healer of my soul and hurts—not others. Even if the situation is never fixed, I am healed as I am fixed on Christ’s view of me, not fallen people’s fickle feelings. Yes, even betrayal was experienced by Christ and is something He can heal our hearts from if we will believe He can and let Him do the work.

Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”    

Healing Our Brokenness

Healing takes time. Admitting brokenness helps us to heal more readily than stuffing it or ruminating on the hurt. We are all broken in one way or another, so there is no stigma there. But healing our brokenness from relationships begins when we are willing to trust God with our pain and let go of the shame of a relationship that has ended. Their unfaithfulness is not an indication of our worthiness. We have to debunk unbelief that we cannot heal. God would not promise healing if it were not possible. Shame off you, friend. Don’t believe their rejection is a flaw within you. Forgive them and move on. God has so much better for you!

Psalm 30:2: “O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.”

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