Recovering from the shame of betrayal feels impossible because we attach our identity to the rejection and unfaithfulness of others. But betrayal does not lessen your worth. Please say that to yourself now and believe it. Betrayal does not lessen your worth. It is a reminder that our worth was never supposed to be tied to another person.
While we beat ourselves up with feeling foolish that we did not see their betrayal or wishing we could have been enough to keep them from betraying us, God invites us to remember who we are in Him. Someone else’s betrayal of us is not God’s. He will never leave us.
Recovering Your Identity
The aftermath of betrayal is an intense combination of shame and pain where we struggle to understand how it could happen and blame ourselves for a perceived shortcoming on our part that could not meet the other person’s needs. But when the other person is not faithful, it is an indication of that person’s identity and faithlessness, not an indicator of you not being enough. Before the relationship in which you encountered betrayal, it was just you. That other person’s actions would not have affected you. Your identity is not in that relationship. It is in who you are outside of that relationship.
Recovering Your Worth
Don’t attach your worth to someone’s betrayal of you. In a relationship, there is a sacred trust that the other person wants your best and will be faithful. When betrayal tempts us to think we are somehow damaged goods not worthy of a healthy relationship, we need to remember that Christ, too, encountered betrayal and still chose to love those who betrayed him.
“After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” —John 13:21, NLT.
Betrayal is excruciatingly painful, but if we trust God through the betrayal, Trusting God in Life’s Tests brings us to a place of healing as we release the sting of shame through forgiveness. We can forgive betrayal because we understand that we all are unfaithful apart from the grace of God.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” —Matthew 6:14
Recovering Your Honor
When God revealed betrayal in my former marriage, I felt as if I was suffocating. Anger, numbness, disbelief, guilt, and a sense of not being able to trust anyone ever again isolated me in my pain. But detaching the betrayal from my soul happened as I did not place someone else’s sin upon myself and trusted that God could take my broken, shattered soul and restore it, for He is faithful and will never betray us.
Someone else’s betrayal is not about us. Our identity and worth are never tied to another person but only tied to Christ.