Walking into a church as the new Worship Arts and Family Ministry Director, I took a deep breath and asked Jesus to go before me. Healing from church hurt was not easy.
Past church hurt had made me a little nervous during my first weeks in this new position.
Then it happened.
“I’ve gotten rid of others…I can get rid of you,” a man who had been at the church for 40 years growled at me.
Other choice comments made me feel so very welcome:
“I’m not doing any Bible study.”
“I don’t answer to you.”
“I’m going to throw your son off the balcony.”
“You’re just a little blonde girl.”
Well, actually, that last comment felt like a compliment. I was little? Yay!
Yep. An experience for the books. And I am so glad that chapter is over.
But I am even more grateful for what God did in my heart afterward.
Church Hurt is Not About Me
As I prayed and asked God to defend me—to do something about the gossip, accusations, and people maligning me—the Lord confronted me with a question:
“Are you more concerned about My glory or yours?”
Ouch.
Then the Holy Spirit brought me to Jeremiah 15. Jeremiah knew what it was like to be persecuted by God’s own people.
“You know, Lord; remember me and take note of me. Avenge me against my persecutors. In your patience, don’t take me away. Know that I suffer disgrace for your honor” (Jeremiah 15:15).
Jeremiah had been severely mistreated. He had been rejected and persecuted for faithfully proclaiming God’s message. His anguish was real, and he brought it honestly before God.
Church Hurt is Not God’s Fault.
I think we can relate to Jeremiah.
We wish our relationships with God’s people looked different. We wonder why God allows wounds to come from people who are supposed to belong to Him. And when we’re hurt, our focus can slowly shift from God’s glory to our vindication.
But God gave Jeremiah a higher perspective:
“Therefore, this is what the Lord says: ‘If you return, I will take you back; you will stand in my presence. And if you speak noble words, rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman. It is they who must return to you; you must not return to them'” (Jeremiah 15:19).
What a word. God did not tell Jeremiah to become like the people who opposed him. He called Jeremiah back to Himself.
“It is they who must return to you; you must not return to them.”
Church Hurt Can Grow Us.
In other words, Don’t let the people opposing you determine who you become. That truth changed something in me.
My greatest concern could not be whether people understood me, defended me, approved of me, or even stopped talking about me.
My greatest concern had to be whether my response glorified God.
Expect people—even church people—to be people. But we don’t have to become like those who hurt us. We don’t have to give their opinions an outsized place in our hearts. And we don’t have to allow their behavior to determine ours.
We can keep living for God. Keep loving, keep speaking what is true, keep our hearts soft, and trust God with our reputation.
Shame says, “What they think about you determines your worth.”
Grace says, “Live for the glory of God and let Him take care of your reputation.”
Church Hurt Doesn’t Mean Church is Bad.
One of shame’s greatest lies is this: “If Christians hurt you, you don’t need the church anymore.”
Church hurt is real. Some of the deepest wounds come from people who bear Christ’s name. When those wounds are left unhealed, shame quietly whispers: “It’s safer to worship alone.”
“Don’t trust again.” “You’ll only be disappointed.” But isolation has never been God’s prescription for healing. The church is not a gathering of perfect people. It is a family of redeemed people learning to extend the same grace they have received.
Paul reminds us: “…bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2–3).
Notice that Paul assumes believers will need to bear with one another. Why? Because we all fall short. The answer to imperfect people has never been abandoning God’s family. The answer is allowing Christ to heal our hearts so we can continue reflecting His.
Shame says: “Leave before you’re hurt again.”
Grace says: “Let Christ heal your heart while keeping it open to His people.”
Reflection
- Have past church wounds made me hesitant to trust God’s people?
- Am I protecting my heart with healthy boundaries—or hiding it behind walls?
- How might Christ be inviting me to experience healing within His family rather than apart from it?
📖 Scripture Reflection
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
— Ephesians 4:2
💊 Today’s Prescription
Ask God to reveal any unresolved church hurt you’ve been carrying. Invite Him to replace bitterness with His grace and to restore your love for His people without ignoring wisdom or truth.
Prayer
Father, thank You for calling me into Your family. Heal the places where I have been wounded by others, and keep my heart from becoming hard. Help me to extend the same grace You have shown me, to pursue unity with humility, and to reflect the love of Christ within Your church. May my life make Your grace visible to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Check out the Seeing Deep blog this week as I share about Church Family—Where Grace Becomes Visible.