This week, I was reminded of why it is so important to guard your heart, but not in the way of keeping others out; guarding our heart from becoming hard when we are tempted to feel hurt by others.
We know the drill. Words are spoken, and we feel that familiar squeeze in our chest as we try to process the jab and keep loving the other person.
It is easy to love people when love is returned, when kindness is met with kindness, respect is reciprocated, or appreciation is expressed.
But what happens when it isn’t? When your kindness is misunderstood? Your forgiveness is rejected? Or when someone you love wounds you deeply?
Those are the moments when love is truly tested because we are tempted to let someone else’s actions determine our own.
We can become punitive as our hearts begin to harden and we reason that they are “getting away” with something.
We might even spiral into thinking why we should keep loving when they don’t?
It’s a fair question. But perhaps it’s the wrong one. Maybe the better question is: “How did Jesus love when others didn’t?”
Love Was Never Meant to Be Conditional
Jesus loved people who misunderstood Him. He loved those who doubted Him. Betrayed Him. Abandoned Him. He even loved those who nailed Him to the cross.
His love wasn’t determined by the response of others. It flowed from the character of the Father.
That’s why Jesus could say,
“Love your enemies, do what is good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. For He is gracious to the ungrateful and evil” (Luke 6:35).
Notice what Jesus doesn’t say.
He doesn’t tell us to pretend sin doesn’t matter or to ignore wisdom or boundaries.
He tells us to refuse to let another person’s lack of love determine the condition of our own hearts.
A Soft Heart Is Not a Weak Heart
Some people confuse a soft heart with being a doormat. But Scripture never does.
Jesus was full of grace. He was also full of truth, forgave freely, and confronted sin.
He welcomed people. He also walked away from those who rejected His message.
Keeping your heart soft doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be mistreated.
It means refusing to become hardened by mistreatment.
Healthy boundaries and a soft heart can exist together. In fact, they should.
Love Is Stronger Than Offense
One of the greatest victories of the Christian life is not winning an argument. It is refusing to let bitterness replace love.
Every offense invites us to become more like the one who hurt us.
Every act of grace invites us to become more like Christ.
That doesn’t happen naturally. It happens as we continually surrender our hurts to the One who first loved us.
Because the truth is, we cannot consistently love beyond our own strength. We need His strength to love like Him.
What Love Looks Like
Paul reminds us,
“Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good” (Romans 12:21).
Notice the language. If we respond to evil with evil…We have been conquered.
But when we respond with the character of Christ, evil no longer has the final word.
Love doesn’t always change the other person. But it always protects your own heart from becoming what wounded it.
How to Keep Your Heart Soft in a Hard World
That question has become one of the driving passions behind my upcoming book, Thick Skin, Soft Heart.
Over the years, God has shown me that keeping a soft heart isn’t accidental.
It requires intentional choices.
Here are five principles that have continually brought me back to the heart of Christ.
1. Guard Your Heart Without Hardening It
Scripture tells us, “Guard your heart above all else…” (Proverbs 4:23).
Notice Scripture never says to harden it.
Guarding your heart means exercising wisdom. Hardening your heart means withdrawing love.
Healthy boundaries protect love. Hardness prevents it.
2. Choose Perspective Over Reaction
Most offenses invite an immediate emotional response.
The mind of Christ invites a different response.
Instead of asking, “How could they?” Ask,
“Lord, what are You doing in me through this?”
A renewed mind allows us to respond instead of simply react.
3. Remove Yourself from the Center of the Story.
Offenses can provoke us to focus on ourselves and our hurt. But removing us from the center of the story makes the offense no longer about us.
Jesus looked at those crucifying Him and prayed,
“Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.”
Compassion doesn’t remove accountability.
It simply makes offenses an impetus for redemption instead of accusation.
4. Refuse to Let Someone Else’s Sin Determine Your Character
Perhaps the greatest temptation after being hurt is to slowly become like the person who hurt us.
Resentful. Harsh. Sarcastic. Withdrawal. Bitterness.
But someone else’s choices do not have to determine ours.
Your response belongs to Christ.
Every difficult relationship becomes another opportunity to reflect His character.
5. Stay Close to Jesus
Ultimately, a soft heart isn’t maintained through willpower.
It’s cultivated through relationship.
The closer we remain to Christ, the more His heart shapes ours.
Love becomes less about trying harder and more about abiding deeper.
When His love fills our hearts, it naturally begins flowing toward others.
The strongest heart isn’t the hardest one. It’s the one that remains soft enough for Christ to shape.
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, help me to protect my heart from bitterness and cultivating a hard heart. Keep my heart soft and pliable so i can love others like you did. Amen.
Visit the ShameRX Blog for this week’s post, Releasing Shame When Others Hurt You.
All for Jesus,
Denise