Pregnancy is overrated and not because I’ve experienced physical birth first hand, mind you. I have never felt my belly expand to the disproportionate girth or felt life stir inside before giving birth. Never could I imagine, in my wildest dreams, what it must be like to create another human being from the moment of conception, through morning sickness, monster-like mood swings, and agonizing labor that culminates in sheer exhaustion.
What I can understand is that ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mother and while pregnancy might be part of a woman’s journey, motherhood would become my destination.
After two abortions and countless years of miscarriages and infertility treatments, I felt stripped of my God-given birthright to ever belong to the “mommy club”.
While all my girlfriends were having babies, I was having a breakdown. Going to baby showers was like going to the dentist… I would rather have my teeth pulled, thank you very much! While I never attended the parties, I always sent a gift with a note attached expressing my congratulations for their new bundle of joy. In reality, I was crying at a desperate level I didn’t know was possible, a flood of tears that were of biblical proportion.
And Mothers Day?
It became just another day. Oh, I still honored and cherished and celebrated my most amazing mama but for me, it was a day of disappointment, embarrassment, and the feeling of being incomplete as a woman, the woman God created me to be. At church, I refused the customary rose handed to the mom’s in the audience, knowing that guilt and shame had no place in the sanctuary.
Or did they?
Nothing could have prepared me for this collision of time and space when the universe released particles from the past to intersect with my present position.
Release that, in its raw, unapologetic form becomes the grace of forgiveness.
The breaking was a beautiful thing. Healing was the grace, and it wasn’t until the moment of impact, where the two merged into forgiving, that I realized I needed healing. My eyes were spiritually opened to reveal God’s gracious forgiveness for all that I hadn’t been able to forgive in myself.
It actually opened the door to my mother’s day… the day I realized I didn’t have to give birth to be a mother.
I began mentoring young women from church and formed a junior high girls club in our home to meet and discuss all that was life. It was at one of these meetings that I met Alana. She came as a guest of one of my regular girls. Alana was 13, all attitude, and had been in the Foster care system since the age of six. Needless to say, she knew everything, couldn’t be told a thing, and hadn’t seen or talked to her biological mom since she was taken into the system. She was tough and very rough around the edges. “Cutting” herself was a familiar routine and throwing up after meals was an everyday occurrence.
She desperately needed a mother and I desperately wanted a child. A match made in Heaven, right?
I was surprised when my husband agreed to adopt her out of Foster care on her 14th birthday. He never wanted children so when he married me, a woman who could never conceive, it was another perfect match made in Heaven.
Alana changed everything. We got the best of the best and the worst of the worst but throughout it all, we wouldn’t have changed a thing. I realized more than ever, that being a mother isn’t about giving birth. It’s about all the moments that collide in between after your child is born and in the unknown place where real parenting takes place. It’s about nurturing your child through all the moments that seem impassable, improbable, impossible, and incredible! It’s the unconditional, the unconventional, and the undeniable grace of God that sees you through!
“Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
It’s your “birthright” as a mother to love well and love beyond self… enjoy your special gift, your special day… Happy Mother’s Day from my heart to yours!
Born out of Broken, Delivered by Destiny and Grown into Grace. Chosen, Daughter of the King. Teacher, Author, Communicator, Encourager, Lover of Life and the Living Water. Motivated to share her love of God, Fitness and overall Wellness in a non-traditional venue, Robin founded Exodus Women’s Fitness Retreats… Fitness for your Spirit, Soul and Body!®
A Certified Personal Trainer/Pilates Instructor and Biblical Life Coach, Robin meets women wherever they are on their Spiritual Journey! After leaving a long career as a “CSI Girl”, she is fulfilling her lifelong passion of helping women to realize their true, lasting and influencing beauty is one that flows out of what is rooted within and to help women discover the Adventure of what it means to BE in the Presence of the ONE who speaks through us and to us in our Spirit, Soul and Body!
She is married to her best friend and soul mate, Mom to their adopted daughter, Dog Mom and Granny! When not on her bicycle or adventuring with Exodus, you can find her riding her other bike (Harley) across the country seeking that next amazing Retreat location!
For more encouragement for moms this month, check out these other blog posts and podcasts: