Ugh. The fall/winter pounds have arrived—before the holiday. A perfect invitation for shame to come in uninvited to the holiday festivities.
The holidays are often painted as a season of warmth, gathering, and joy. But for many, the holiday season surfaces something quieter, heavier, and harder to name: shame.
Shame about what didn’t go right this year.
Shame about Broken relationships, our bodies, our boundaries, our finances, our failures—real or imagined.
And even shame about not feeling as joyful as we think we should.
Shame has a way of suffocating gratitude before it even begins.
But what if we did not need to boast or roast this holiday? What if gratitude filled the air and we did not make the holiday about measuring up, but building up?
Shame is invited to the table when we make special times meant for our enjoyment into a performance.
Perfect food. Perfect outfit. Perfectly clean home. Perfect words to grace the atmosphere.
But Scripture shows us that gratitude is not the reward for perfect feelings or perfect circumstances—it is a lifeline. A weapon. A path out of the shadows and back into God’s presence.
Shame Rx:
Shame disappears when gratitude shows up.
💛 How Gratitude Defuses Shame
1. Shame distracts the heart—gratitude reorients it.
- Shame fixates on you: your shortcomings, your past, your performance.
- Gratitude fixates on God: His presence, His goodness, His mercy.
- When shame whispers, “You’re not enough,” gratitude replies, “Thank You, Lord, that You are.”
One cannot cling to shame and gratitude at the same time.
2. Shame isolates—gratitude reconnects.
- Shame says, “Stay small. Stay hidden. Don’t be a burden.” So we shrink at family gatherings, withdraw emotionally, or keep conversations surface-level.
- But gratitude invites us to see God’s fingerprints in others, even imperfect people. It softens what offense has hardened and reminds the heart: “Thank You, Lord, for putting these people in my life, even in their flaws, even in my own.”
Gratitude makes room for grace. And grace makes room for connection.
3. Shame rehearses wounds—gratitude rewrites the narrative.
- The holidays often bring up relational pain from past years. Shame convinces us the story is set in stone.
- But Scripture gives us a different lens: “…Whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable… think about such things.” — Philippians 4:8
- Gratitude doesn’t deny pain; it redeems perspective. It reminds us that God is still writing, still healing, still restoring…even if the chapter is messy.
4. Shame withholds—gratitude gives.
- Shame tightens the heart. Gratitude opens it.
- Shame says, “Don’t risk being hurt again.” Gratitude says, “Love anyway, because Christ loved you first.”
- This doesn’t mean ignoring boundaries or enabling unhealthy behavior. It means choosing a posture that honors Christ over pride, fear, or self-protection.
How to Practice Gratitude When Shame Shows Up
Here are simple, doable practices for holiday gatherings:
- Name the shame — and hand it to Jesus. Pray: “Lord, I feel the pull of shame. I give it to You.”
- Look for one lovely thing in each person at the table. A smile, a kindness, a moment of vulnerability.
- Speak one word of encouragement to someone. Gratitude becomes real when expressed.
- End the day by thanking God for three things you noticed.
- Small thanks soften big hurts.
The Gospel Hope:
Shame says you are defined by your past.
Gratitude says you are defined by God’s goodness.
Shame says you don’t belong.
Grace says you belong at God’s table — always.
Shame says this holiday must feel perfect.
Jesus says, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
Gratitude is not about pretending everything is fine.
It’s about remembering that God is faithful even when everything isn’t fine.
And that is where joy begins.
Check out the Seeing Deep blog this week as we reflect on how gratitude grows in the hardest soil.