While shame may have been something the culture has cast upon us, we ultimately get to decide shame’s presence in our lives. And it begins in our minds. A central aspect of shame is focusing on self and then secondarily a focus on our lack. We are not enough; we don’t have enough; enough of not being enough!
I had the privilege of speaking at a conference this month on the topic of Shame Off You. What was revolutionary to many people and still is revolutionary to me is that we don’t really understand the root of shame. If we don’t understand the root of our shame, we cannot eradicate it from our lives.
Getting Shame Off Our Minds: Recognizing the Root of Pride
What is the root of shame? It is pride. Proverbs 11 one shame says with pride but with humility comes wisdom. Pride is at the root of shame, which seems counterintuitive, but pride is a focus on self not being enough. We might call it false pride, But if we can remove ourselves from our performance in the need to look good to other people which is inherently prideful, then we are free from shame. And this is a battle we have to continually fight.
Getting Shame Off Our Minds: What is Your State of Shame?
We wouldn’t have shame if we didn’t have an audience. It’s living our lives in front of others and their perception, making that an idol that keeps us bound in shame. This week on the Seeing Deep blog I’m talking about our state of mind and so here I’m bouncing off of that topic to see what your state of shame is in your life. How are you thinking about yourself?
C.S. Lewis said humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. This does not come close to humility as depicted by Christ. If humility was simply what we think then we could try to force ourselves into humility. Christ always sought to make himself nothing and we so often seek to make ourselves something.
Getting Shame Off Our Minds: Releasing Comparison
So this week sisters, be gentle with yourselves. Stop comparing yourself according to other people and their view of you or maybe your perceived view of them thinking of you. Your state of mind can be like the mind of Christ. We know we have this mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), but we also need to choose to have it and walk in it (Philippians 2:5).
Ask yourself what the root is to your shame. What is it that makes you feel unworthy unclean? Once you understand the root you can choose to take another route out of shame through humility.
Jesus paid for all our sin and shame. We need to deal with shame in our lives because it distracts us from boldly living for Christ. Not one of us is perfect. That doesn’t induce shame into our lives because we know this. Scripture tells us over and over again that we are not perfect. But in Christ, Christ is now our righteousness. So not measuring up to Christ is the expectation and there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1) So whatever state of shame you have in your life right now you can release it by faith sisters. Knowing Christ already paid it in full. Shame has not been cast by your savior upon you. Salvation has.
Check out the Seeing Deep blog this week for a mindset hack that reminds us that forgiveness does not mean we dismiss sin or egregious behavior. It means we don’t take it personally.