At the root of broken relationships is often our foe, shame. But the good news is that we can recognize how shame is operating in our relationships and opt for a higher road. Below are 3 ways how shame impacts our relationships.
Shame Impacts the Security of Our Relationships
Maybe it was someone who made you feel like you could never be good enough for them. Or someone who betrayed you. Shame arising from broken relationships can produce insecurity in us if we make it about us. If we don’t deal with our response to relational trauma, we will perpetuate the same toxic behavior.
In the wake of waves from relational pain we can wonder if we will ever feel secure in any relationship. But this insecurity is a facade that we allow. We don’t have to carry shame forward from relational baggage as if it is our identity.
Shame Impacts the Maturity of Our Relationships
Shame can keep us bound in immature, fragile relationships where we are terrified of being imperfect and stunt growth in those relationships. But when there is space to be authentic without making excuses for yourself because of false shame, your relationship can grow into a thing of beauty where both people have room to grow, no longer stifled by fake identities.
Shame Impacts the Surety of Our Relationships
Nothing is for sure in this life except for Christ. And Christ invites us to walk in a relationship with Him that is sure and steady. By keeping Christ at the center of our relationship we can be sure that He will help us. While shame keeps us from letting others in, knowing that our worth does not depend on someone else’s view of us frees us to relate freely. Shame makes it hard to be vulnerable, but without vulnerability we cannot have the deeper connection we long for. Don’t let shame rob you of vulnerability. Your relationships are on a steady foundation with Christ.
Check out the Seeing Deep blog this week for a mindset hack that asks us to consider what we bring to the relationship instead of expecting others to make us happy.