Removing shame from broken family relationships happens in our daily lives as we live with one another. How we treat one another reveals whether we are honoring or shaming our family members.
There is no shame in being an imperfect family, God loves families through broken relationships.
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” —1 John 3:1
As I obediently prepared tea for my mother and my visiting aunt, I did not think twice about the process. Tea has been a family tradition in our home for as long as I could remember, and I learned quickly how to prepare tea for my family with their quirky desires.
As my aunt watched my tea preparing ritual with close scrutiny, I realized she had her own opinion about the process. As she began to unleash her distaste hastefully, I found myself protesting to defend myself. I ignored my mother’s warning look from the corner of my eye.
Shame Reducer: Think Before You Speak
Before I could open my mouth again, my mother asked me to come outside the house to talk with me privately. As we stepped outside, I got a mini lecture on being respectful to elders even if I did not agree with my aunt’s methods.
Although I adored my mother, I felt the internal struggle of familial conflict that each family faces at some point. I felt the strained tension hanging in the air and I took a breath and nodded silently. I did not want my mother to feel ashamed of my rebuttal to my aunt and decided to proceed peacefully.
Shame Reducer: Humbly value others above yourself.
Healing family ties is not about reacting but facing feelings.
When you are accused or feel a strong emotion with a loved one, it is easy to get carried away by intense emotions. Yet, God calls us to recall His truths to use as instruments of healing in relational conflicts. Family relationships are delicate and as we process our emotions through God’s steady love, it is possible to resist the urge to react harshly.
Shame Reducer: Pursue peace, not saying your peace.
God can teach us how to be a peacemaker in our family.
Although our flesh wants us to be reactive, God calls us to be peacemakers. When family conflict arises, we can take hold of that peace, slow down and surrender our reactions. As we grow in becoming peacemakers, God’s heart delights to see our families become united.
God desires healthy, whole families.
It can be hard to face the shame in broken family relationships; particularly when others can see this brokenness so vividly. God loves imperfect families. As we constantly apply principles like forgiveness, grace and release bitter emotions, space for the slow growth of healthy, whole family relationships will begin to take root and eventually, blossom.
This week Shame Rx contributor from the Seeing Deep Ministry team, Shell Singh, shares on removing shame from a failed marriage.
You can find Shelley at: www.shelleysingh.com
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