You can feel it in the air, that is, if it is not obvious by the stares, uncomfortability, and disdainful looks you are getting from others. People around you expect you to fit into their mold, and when you don’t—let’s just say they will want to make you as uncomfortable as they can. But releasing other people’s expectations of you begins with yourself.
Releasing Shame from Your Expectations
We don’t start off wanting to let others down, but maybe in our people-pleasing, we set ourselves up for it. We know what someone wants us to be or do, and we might know at that moment that we are really not that person, but we agree to fulfill their expectations.
Or maybe we truly think we can do something, but life crashes in to say otherwise. Your failure to do what YOU expect does not make you a failure. It is part of this crazy life. You WILL let others down, and so will I. But that does not become your identity, and it also does not become your character unless maybe you struggle to know how to deal with other’s expectations of you.
Releasing Shame from Other People’s Expectations of You
Releasing shame from other people’s expectations is actually a biblical thing. I mean, we likely all know the passage of Matthew 5:37, “Let your yes be yes, and your no be no,” which is probably one reason we should not take our commitments lightly, but in Christ, there is also grace when you have overcommitted. Humility is the means to setting yourself free:
“My child, if you have put up security for a friend’s debt or agreed to guarantee the debt of a stranger—
if you have trapped yourself by your agreement and are caught by what you said— follow my advice and save yourself, for you have placed yourself at your friend’s mercy. Now swallow your pride; go and beg to have your name erased. Don’t put it off; do it now! Don’t rest until you do. Save yourself like a gazelle escaping from a hunter, like a bird fleeing from a net” (Proverbs 6:1–5)
Having the wisdom to know when you need grace to release expectations is such a core principle of the Shame Off You life. “When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). Admit where you could not achieve their expectations and ask for forgiveness.
Other People’s Expectations of You are Not God’s
The highest expectation of us all we could not reach. We all failed God’s expectations, and His grace to cover us is not something we should ever take lightly. But it is also a reminder that God gave us grace so we could forgive ourselves and others, too, when they fail to meet our expectations.
Expectations can become a demand instead of a hope. But by learning to see them as goals that we seek to achieve, we can also find a way to remove ourselves from making expectations our identity. The best solution toward shame, when our backs feel up against the wall, is to ask God for help. He might want you to release the obligation you are under or even provide a way you could still do so. Just don’t let anyone’s expectations of you dominate your thought life. Seeking to please God is the foundation on which our identity is built, not pleasing man.
“Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.” —Pslm 34:5, NLT.